My Heart Has Been Stolen

Team Alpha Male: P-I-M-P's

This is how you do it up there with Team Alpha Male in Sacramento. I got one thing to say about that place. Sacratomatoe may be a shit hole but there is one great thing about it, Faber and the gang. Chad Mendez fresh off his win sitting in the sauna with Faber training for his. And if you were wondering, yes that is Bud Light in the hand of Chad and a hot dog in the other.

GTL. Gym - Train - Liquify

How Right is this Slanty Eyed Motherfucker?!

This man has got one damn good point to boot, not to mention he's funny as fuck. This bitch that he is responding too is the problem with America, the air that was once filling her head has now moved to her tits. This ignorant bitch acts like she's smart studying in the library. I know bitches like you cunt, you physically talk to your sorority bitches instead of using a phone. You know what! That shit is more fucking annoying when all you little giggly bitches start screaming like hyenas when you found out Stacy swallowed a gallon cum and then had to get her stomach pumped over the weekend. Atleast the asians can put their shit down and get back to studying. We all know you hate the asians because they're smarter, faster, and overall just better than your platinum blonde head. Get the fuckin bleach out of your brain, and go figure out your 'political science epiphany' you dumb cunt.

Christopher Walken Just Nailin' It

 Now here is some real shit. Christopher Walken giving a reading of Gaga's song 'Poker Face'. His tone, delivery, and diction creates a piece of poetry I have never heard, his prose and perfectly placed ellipses are a thing of beauty! FUCK THEM OTHER BITCHES! CHRISTOPHER WALKEN KILLS THIS SHIT!

New Zealand Straight Shittin On The World

Here is a perfect example of ingenuity at its finest hour! After suffering a quake down unda' these fuckers turn out to all be fuckin Frank Lloyd Wright. This is great though in all honesty, some seriously smart shit. Some of my favorites are above but go visit the site Show Us Your Long Drop, and check out the best of those on the opposite of the globe.

Knock Out of the Week Right Here Folks

Good Shit. Love it. I had thought that Tuchscherer was gonna take this thing. I thought that fat fuck was gonna knock out the local boy Mark Hunt. But...DAMN! That's it, just crazy how he hits Lesnar's worhtless training partner with a wicked uppercut that landed square on his chiny chin chin. The best part of it all is how he just walks away. Like, who the fuck thinks you can stand with a K1 Kickboxer? You fuckin retard, there must be something up there in the Death Clutch camp in Minnesota, maybe someone should teach those meat heads how to box instead of use their weight to push others around the floor and cage. P.S. Brock - take note because this is how your fight with Dos Santos will go.

This World is So Gay

No here is what I remember. Right before people started to get completely and totally politcally fuckin correct. Look here at this shit, the sister calls Jr. gay and guess what happens...NOTHING! Everyone laughs! It's funny shit, get off your Liberal highchairs you pussy fucker who take offense to this shit. Okay, maybe I will give in to your shit and stop saying 'gay' eventually. Because I've got a better one, "that shit right there is homosexual." BOOM! Simple, a little drawn out on the tongue, but sometimes you need that crap. All the swear words out there are so simple and fast. Fuck. Shit. Bitch. Cunt. Gay. We need a slow one to get the real point across for retards who ask, 'what'd you say?'

I'm Starting This Shit Here in Santa Rosa

This shit is fuckin ridiculous. Do you see that skinny ass white promoter? That could be me! Open that shit up for the Mexicans around here, maybe a cockfight or two as the prelims...you know what? This shit might just actually work. The wetbacks around are already pushing drugs on MY OWN street corner, maybe I'd be doing a civic duty, cleaning up the streets. Maybe some of them would die along the way, you know how nature works, without a father that fat bitch back home can't get knocked up anymore, and will have to stay focused on the other five knee nibblers running around their one bedroom apartment. My favorite part of this whole thing is when the drunk black guy talks about how the cops AKA 'pigs' as he calls them, break up the underground ring. How they are trying to stop the black man from making money. Well a few things I want to share with your drunk ass. One, the promotoer of this whole goddamn thing is white. Two, the cops aren't stopping the black guy from making money. You just choose to push crack and live in constant fear and ask others for constant handouts than work a few days a week. Three, I hate when you pull the fucking race card. That is the biggest crock of shit ever. Get the fuck over it, you did not suffer slavery, your parents, and hell probably your parents fuckin parents parents didn't, knowing how fast you reproduce. You don't see the Irish wallowing around asking for reparations from the British, or maybe the Jewish from the Germans. Open a fucking book and educate yourself you dumb fuck. I'm glad that white kid won, at least he doesn't appear to be an ignorant fucker.

And the Japs Still Wonder Why They Lost WW2

Alright! Good for You! HAHA these dumbasses can't be serious! Open your fuckin eyes for three seconds and realize that a real tiger will not be in a fluffy suit retreating scared for it's life. What about SF years back? Some kid agitates one of these things and eventually the big furry cat says 'fuck you' and hops the barrier only to maliciously tear him several new assholes. Goddamn it! Stick to your science classes and mathematical quotients and let the Americans handle the big shit over here small dick.

FUPA in the UFC

Now look at this fuckin lovely work of art. I don't know her name because it's not important enought to remember. Her job is to balance the little metal object so that the scale reads the proper weight for the fighters. Not only did she fail at her first couple of attempts, she was too busy oodling over the fuckin fighters to notice she's fucking up every other second. Now, I know you are probably married to a fat fuckin stink of a husband whose idea of a night out is taking you to the Olive Garden downtown for some classy all you can eat bread sticks and pasta bowls followed by a nice classy case of Keystone, but please leave some brain cells for your ability to work a scale. To top this piece of work off, it was at the KFC Yum! Center. Yup, you read that correct the KFC Yum! Center. Wow, nice piece of ass you send us Kentucky. Get off your wrinkly ballsacks and get recognized with the sport you pieces of shit.

America, Fuck Yeah!

So apparently some undercover chick smuggled guns in her panties through several airports. Great! Awesome! This new crap they employ at the airports to make us all 'safer' is a whole big croc of shit if you ask me. We all know this is an invasion of privacy. Now this! Come on now, you got two options, either remove these pieces of shit or fix them so they work properly. First a black guy in the WHITE house and now we got this meddle on our hands. Maybe that billboard is right, June will be the end of the world.

See the article here.

Rise of the Machines!

Look the fuck out folks! We are in the midst of finding the end of the world. First WATSON on Jeopardy rapes both Ken Jennings and that other no name genius fucker, and now escalators are in on population control!? All I have to say is get me the fuck off elevators now! I love this guy in the video by the way. PREACH! He is saying what we are all thinking, but my favorite part is the dumb fuckin state employee smack dab in the middle of the camera the whole time. You know, the dumbass with the bright orange vest. Typical fuckin state worker, won't get their hands dirty ON the job, what the fuck makes you think they are any benefit to society outside of their job. Yes, the job they work 9-5...except on the weekends...and holidays...and fridays...and cold mornings...and rain...and when they start to sweat...and when there is work to be done.

Joke: How many Caltrans employees does it take dig one five foot deep hole?

Answer: (actually I have to be honest, I don't know. I've never seen them ever lift a shovel...)

My Day in a Nutshell

First, I find this dumb fuckin sticker from some meathead that stuck it on the desk next to me in a prior class. All I can think about is how much Sklarski fits this queer-bait mold.

Now I am driving down to Tres Hombres in Petaluma for a nice little lunch rendezvous with the First Lady and some D-bag has got this bullshit hanging off the back off his window like it ain't no thing. Like it's hot shit to hang an over-sized cardboard chicken sandwich off the back of your Hundai (not important enough to spell correctly) and be driving around in the rain. Wow, dickhead. You're cool.

Finally the First Lady and I get off of 101 and are finally greeted with this lovely gem before we hit the historic downtown for some fine Mexican cuisine. I thought the world ended in 2012, not 2011. Fuckin religions need to get their shit straight before I decide when the Universe falls in on itself.

BUBBA, BITCHES!

Bubba Watson just spitting in your face and fuck loving it. This fucker here just rapes the golf ball over 400 yards and then walks around with a half of a million dollars hanging off of his wrist. No big deal, only 38 of them made, the other one out there belongs to the lucky fucker who is banging Shakira, Rafael Nadal. Keep the pimp hand strong, Bubba.




On another note, nice car Bubba. Dope new wheels. (This cat's got some good mother fuckin taste)

T-Minus 48 Days BITCHES!!

Fuck all you motherfuckers! I'm headed to Maui to the new property to enjoy some rest and relaxation. Just to think in no time at all I'll be drinking it up watching the sun set over Lanai. Suck my dick motha fucka's!

Just For You Matt

Brittney Palmer (Ring Girl) from the UFC with her best "OH!" face.

Grouchy Spice

So I got called Grouchy Spice today. What kind of bullshit is that? Like you can pull some 1990's cliche crap out of your ass. You wanna know why I'm so grouchy? Maybe it's because I buy all the crap in the house and clean on a weekly basis. I mean give me some fuckin credit, I'm a college student over here, not some piss poor Guatemalan. Say thanks every once in a while for cleaning up the kitchen, living room, doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, taking out the trash, paying the bills on time, and doing basically everything to keep this two story domicile running smoothly and rat free.

Space Shuttle Seen From Plane

Cool video of someone who recorded a launch of a spacecraft from their seat in an airplane. Pretty cool if you ask me. Once in a lifetime experience.